Talking Dog

Dear Talking Dog,

Miss Roxy commiserates with your plight. Since time immemorial, humans have taunted us with our food addiction, throwing mammoth bones to the saber tooth whist we waited beyond the camp fire's reach, and laughing at our expense. And while there is no respite for the hungry dog, it is time you change your strategy. Begging and whining only serve to reinforce bad human behavior. Inevitably, you will find yourself humiliated on YouTube.

Miss Roxy suggests you combat addiction with addiction. Deprive the human of his grand illusion, his need for superiority, by dampening your eagerness. A good bulldog knows not to fetch and roll over on command. A placid stare and sigh works best. Remember—the food should come to you, and not vice versa.

Yours truly,

Miss Roxy